I walk fast. I walk faster than most people. My perception of it is that everyone else walks painfully slow. I don't try to walk fast I just do. When I try and walk fast, I walk really fast. It's almost impossible for me to walk slow. When I go to the store I walk fast. I'm on a mission. I know exactly what I want.
I drive slow. Well, I drive the speed limit. I'm the only one. What I don't understand is how everyone can drive so fast and then get out and walk so slow. I don't get it, other than they drive while sitting down and they have to actually stand up to walk.
Today I went to Wal Mart. I prepared myself for what I would have to deal with. When I went through the door my eyes were scanning left and right for possibile paths through the maze of slow walkers.
The first obstacle was a woman bending over with her forearms resting on her shopping cart moving from right to left and blocking the whole isle. It must have been too much of an effort to stand up and push the cart. She was moving at a very slow pace, less than 1/8 mile per hour, and taking up a lot of space. So I rolled around behind her and got past. I was tempted to slap her on the butt when I went by. "Get a move on!" I wanted to say.
Then an older couple was creeping in the same direction as I was. They had no motivation and no direction. It was as if they had no idea why they were there. They were overwhelmed and confused by the products around them. They appeared to be totally lost and they had just entered the store. My wake threw them out of balance as I went between them.
Then a younger woman in grey sweat pants was with her mother. They were swerving left and right in a slow serpentine ~ motion as if they were intoxicated by shopping. One thing would catch their attention and then another. They would stop and go and then something else would grab their attention. Finally the daughter saw I was trying to get past and she let me by.
It was like Day of the Dead. Zombies just wandering around with their arms out "aaaaah...aaaaah... we need stuff,,,we need stuff. ". I imagined just pushing them out of the way. They would stagger a few steps and then resume their aimless pilgrimage.
At the checkout line I stood behind a wife nagging her husband. "We need this! And we need that!" No planning whatsoever. I stood there breathing in the second hand nagging, and feeling sorry for her husband who had a hair cut that was a cross between Las Vegas Elvis and Fred Flinstone.
Finally I made my way out of the store turning left and right to go around shoppers as if I was on skis trying to get to the finish of the race course as fast as possible. I wonder if that old couple ever made it out? I hope they told someone where they were going before they left home.
I got back in my car and locked the doors. There were many zombies returning to life as they got back in their cars.